dear mother
by thatdamfangirl23
Summary: Merlin and his mother may be miles apart, but Hunith is kept well informed on the goings on in Camelot through Merlin's letters.


****This was an interesting one to write. I usually hate writing in the first person, but it was kind of fun. The rest of this story will be done in the same format as this one, with Merlin's letters to Hunith throughout the year (or couple of years depending on what series. It will be done in series order, going through the important events in each series. As you may be able to work out, this chapter covers series one.  
Hope you enjoy!****

****disclaimer: the BBC owns Merlin. I am not the BBC, nor do I have anything to do with Merlin. I'm not really sure how one person can be the entire BBC, but I'm not.****

Dear mother,

Today I arrived in Camelot. It is a strange city. It's huge and there are thousands of people and no fields, but it is nice. At least it was until I saw an execution. He was called Thomas Collins. He was arrested for sorcery and he was burned. His mother was there too – she was angry and started cursing Uther and his son.

After I arrived, I went to find Gaius as you said. He's a nice man – I saved his life when he fell off a ladder – and he said he wouldn't turn me in. I think he knows about magic too. Did he ever practice? He's given me a room and boarding and he's a good cook. Mostly.

He sent me off to give medicine to various people around the castle and I got lost a lot unsurprisingly. There was a man who wasn't supposed to drink his potion all in one go, but he did. I think he'll be fine.

Gaius told me I was an idiot when I picked a fight. Maybe I was. I didn't know it was Prince Arthur! He put me in the dungeons but Gaius bailed me out. Then I got put in the stocks where I met a woman called Gwen. She's the lady Morgana's maid and she hates Prince Arthur. Well, not hate exactly. She said she didn't like rough tough save the world men and that she didn't think I was one of them. I said I was in disguise.

Later on I fought with Arthur again. I also called him a prat which felt good. He tried to kill me with a mace.

Now that I think about it, I probably was stupid earlier. Well, I expect I'll be getting used to the stocks.

I hope you're well and I promise to visit soon. Say hello to Will for me.

With love, Merlin.

Dear mother,

I have been made Prince Arthur's manservant. I don't know why. He's a prat. I told you about that man's mother – Mary Collins. It turns out she was a sorceress and wanted to kill Arthur. Why do I get the feeling that's going to become a trend? Anyway, she transfigured herself to look like a singer that the king had hired and she put everyone to sleep at a banquet. I covered my ears and dropped a chandelier on her. Then she threw a knife at the prat and I intercepted it. Uther said I needed a reward and… yeah. I'm Arthur's personal slave now. Yay. He seems to hate me as much as I hate him.

He also has a habit of throwing goblets.

I talked to the dragon and he said we were 'two sides of the same coin' and we were 'destined to be together'

I don't understand him sometimes. And he woke me up in the middle of the night. Actually, I was already awake – Gaius snores.  
Oh! I haven't told you about the dragon! There's a dragon beneath Camelot who calls me 'young warlock' and is very cryptic. I can't get a straight answer out of him. He seems to think Arthur and I have some sort of destiny. He claims to see the future and he's always giving me advice. I mostly ignore him.

He hates Uther too, just like everyone else. Apparently he trapped him twenty years ago and killed all his kind. I would feel sorry for him, but he's probably lying. He's good at that. His wing twitches when he does it.

I saved Arthur's life again this week – twice. This time it was a knight called Valiant who, surprise surprise, wanted to kill him. He had a shield that could turn into snakes so I learned the spell and outed him in front of the king and everyone else. It took forever to learn the spell though and I practiced on a dog statue so now I have a dog. Gaius hates it because it smashes his potion bottles.

There was also a woman who put a plague in the water that made people die. I was an idiot according to Gaius because I cured Gwen's father. Maybe I was. Gwen got arrested for sorcery and so I confessed, but no one believed me! Arthur said I was in love with her! As if. In the end, Arthur had to kill a monster called the Afcac or Afanc or something. These monsters have strange names.

I'll be able to send some money soon since I get paid at the end of the month. Tell Will I miss him.

With love, Merlin.

* * *

Dear mother,

I got poisoned on Wednesday, but I'm fine now. Please don't worry. I know you will. I really am fine.

It all started when this woman came up to me and told me that Arthur's goblet was poisoned. Well actually, it all started when there was a banquet to welcome some lord and Arthur made me wear a hideous uniform complete with a ridiculous hat. Gwen laughed.

Anyway, this woman was one of the lord's servants and she warned me. I 'made a scene' according to Arthur and I drank from the goblet just like anyone else would. Well, it was poisoned. Gaius took me to his chambers and he worked out what the poison was. Apparently the antidote could only be made from the Morteus flower which grew in a cave somewhere.  
Apparently Arthur went to get it.

I don't know why he would go. I'm just his servant and his father told him not to. Not that I knew that. I was unconscious. According to Arthur, he went on a long and dangerous quest to find the flower and he faced giant spiders and terrifying monsters which he defeated with ease. I highly doubt that, but hey. The prat likes to exaggerate.

Gaius said I was mumbling a spell under my breath while he and Gwen were there. Maybe I saved Arthur's life again… I'm starting to see a trend.

I found out that the woman is called Nimueh and, like everyone else, she wants to kill Arthur. Uther too, but that's understandable.

How is old man Simmons? Have there been any unfortunately unstable trees lately? Tell Will to give him hell. The dragon echoes that statement. He's very overprotective sometimes.

With love, Merlin.

* * *

Dear mother,

Apparently, my name is Emrys. Did you know this? The dragon said it was when I told him I had always been called Merlin. There was this druid boy who was on the run from the knights and he called out to me. He called me Emrys. I asked Gaius and the dragon what it meant but they wouldn't tell me. The lady Morgana took the boy – his name was Mordred - in. It was awkward when I found him in her chambers. (Don't ask.)

Somehow, the prat found out and he agreed to help him escape. The dragon told me not to help. Mother, he told me that the boy was destined to kill Arthur. I know I don't show it, but I do care for him. If I have this destiny, surely I should do everything I can to make it a reality? What would you do? How's Will?

With love, Merlin.

* * *

Dear mother,

The dragon was very confusing this week – as usual. Well, he was more terrifying than confusing, but he still spoke in the same riddles that he always does. It started when a knight all in black came and did… something… that meant he issued a challenge. To me, it looked like he threw his gauntlet down in a temper, but the prat insisted that it was part of the knight's code and chucking (and probably denting) the gauntlet means two knights have to try to kill each other. I don't understand knights. They're all a bit thick. (Don't tell Arthur I said that.)

Anyway, thick knights aside, the idiot prince accepted the challenge and he and the black knight (Gaius said he was called Tristan which made Uther choke for some reason) arranged to fight to the death at dawn. Seriously, I spend all my time saving him and then he goes and accepts a fight to the death with someone who is obviously better than him! I may have said this before, but he's an idiot. Not me!

When Gaius and I got back in the evening, Gaius started getting really stressed about something. When I asked him, he first raised his eyebrow (I know that you know how that feels) and then he started to go on about 'wraiths' and Arthur's mother and necromancy. I finally got him to calm down and explain. He said that the knight wasn't the real Tristan du bois (Arthur's mother's brother), but a wraith brought back from the dead. Therefore, he couldn't be killed.

That explains why Gaius was so stressed.

I definitely did not start hyperventilating because I definitely do not care about that prat. I also definitely did not get Gwen to sell me a giant sword from her father's shop and take it to the dragon. I definitely do not now have a sword forged in a dragon's breath that can kill the dead. Uther definitely did not use it.

He did.

The dragon was adamant that only Arthur could use the sword, but Uther, actually showing human emotion, decided to take the challenge in Arthur's place and took the sword. It worked – the knight was killed again – but the dragon was really angry. __Really __angry__. __Not in a __Merlin you idiot, that's not how the chainmail goes __way, but in a __Merlin you imbecile, I'm going to breathe my incredibly destructive fire at you and nearly roast you to a crisp __way. He didn't though. Don't worry. I put up a shield and it actually worked.

After all that, I took the sword to a lake somewhere and cast it in. it sounds stupid, but the dragon warned me about weapons forged in dragon's breath. Apparently, you do not want to see them in the wrong hands. (Uther)

What better place to hide it than the bottom of a lake that nobody ever goes to?

I'll try to visit soon, mother. Arthur probably won't give me time off, but I'll try. Give my love to Will as usual.

With love, Merlin.

* * *

Dear mother,

This is not a proper letter. I wish I could tell you this in person, but there is no time.

I'm leaving for the Isle of the Blessed. I don't plan on coming back.

Arthur is gravely ill and I know how to cure him. I will give my life for his. The old religion craves balance – a life for a life. I am willing to die if it means Arthur lives and builds the kingdom I know he will.

I'm sorry.

I've asked Gaius to make sure you are safe. I think he will.

Maybe I can see Will again in Avalon.

With love, Merlin.

* * *

Dear mother,

As you know, my plan did not work. Well, it did – Arthur is alive and so am I and everyone else, so it did work. But, it was hard. Nimueh was the high priestess at the Isle which I did not expect. She said it was not my time to die – that I had to carry on protecting Arthur and that I had a destiny. Nimueh is dead. I am her killer.

I did not mean for the old religion to choose you to become Arthur's sacrifice. It tore me apart when you arrived at Camelot and so I planned to go back. Gaius got there first. He tried to give up his life for you and he succeeded. He was dead when I arrived at the Isle.

I don't really know what happened then. I just remember overwhelming anger and anguish. She had killed my friend. So, I struck out. She attacked me with a fireball (I'm fine, mother) and I retaliated with lightning. It killed her and I used the cup of life to trade her life for Gaius'. He is tired, but fine.

Maybe I should feel bad about killing Nimueh. I never thought I could do something like that. Apparently I can. I was so __easy! __She threatened my friends – she has been all year - and I eliminated the threat. I hope you don't think any less of me.

I will come and see you soon. I need to see you again.

I always thought of my magic – of the old religion - as something inherently good. As something meant to help. I didn't realise it was so ruthless. That it was so capable of destruction. I don't think it is really a good thing. It's not evil either. It's in the middle, a neutral presence that does what must be done. As long as the balance is kept, it doesn't care who lives and who dies. It's not capable of empathy. Its scares me a little. It scares me to know that like it, I can kill and do evil so easily. It wouldn't take much.

I will keep studying magic though. The book that Gaius gave me teaches me loads and I've been able to put my power to good use protecting those I care about. I just hope I can always control it.

Sorry, I shouldn't be bombarding you with my own stupid fears. I'm glad you're okay.

With love, Merlin.


End file.
